Spanking Terrorists
Am I relieved Osama bin Laden is dead? In a way, yes...
But then there is this other part of me that struggles with it because of knowing what repeated acts of violence do to us on both a personal and national level.
We humans are not made to kill or hurt one another. I know this because I experienced it in my gut when I served as an Army ROTC Cadet and every time I shot that M16 or waved that bayonette at someone, I felt less not more human. Oh sure, I felt powerful! But more loving? Um. No. Yet the Jesus I follow calls me to be more loving, even to those who annoy me or to those who hate me.
When one of us kills or hurts another through bullet, spear, bomb, missle, or with our own hands, it robs us of our humanity. We are not the same ever again and we can't go back. Yet... I understand the desire for military to keep our home turf protected. But as domestic (and international) violence has taught us, when one of us hits (or bombs) another, we are gaining a temporary power trip from the forced submission of another. In order to sustain that type of relationship, we all know the hitting (or bombing) must continue.
Instead of creating an environment in which honesty and trust prevail, violence raises defensivness, hostility, and fear. I see it all the time: in the eyes of those I meet, hurt by the fist of another. It is a downward spiral into the black hole of humanity. So rationalize it how you may, but humans are better than that. We have the ability to create spaces, places, homes, and workplaces in which honesty and trust prevail, but we don't want to take the time or energy to do it. Because it does take more time and energy. Violence is easy. Trust and cooperation are hard.
Think about it: Whether you hit first or are hitting back, do either of you feel better afterwards or are you both left with adrenaline pumping, and a need to hit again to show who is more fierce?
We went through a spanking stage with our son. My husband and I were at witts end with our 3 year old not listening, misbehaving, and refusing to sit in his "Time Out" chair. So finally, one day, I gave him a swat across his butt. But then he sat in the chair! It worked! My husband and I rejoiced! That's right...who is in charge now Mister 3 year old??? We are!!!!
So for a couple of months, when things got out of control, we would use "The Spank" to discipline him.
Then one day I picked him up from daycare and I was told that he hit another kid. We scolded him and told him not to hit. Huh? I wonder where he learned THAT from? Couldn't be at home, could it??
My son was only doing what he had been taught to do.
You see, hitting was the easy solution to my toddler's behavior. Hitting was a knee-jerk reaction that many parents fall into the trap of doing. But it doesn't solve your problem. What I needed to do was take the time and the energy to come up with alternative options to "The Spank." After realizing this, the very next day he threw a tempertantrum. It was a good one! So I flew across the room, putting him in his Time Out chair. He got out. I put him in it again. He got out again, running like a crazy man through the house. I put him in it again, fostering up EVERY ounce of will I had, trying not to react the way instinct was telling me to. He got up again. I put him in it again. For 45 minutes, he tried to convince me he was in charge by refusing to sit in the chair. But instead of showing him I was in charge through a swat on the butt, I showed him I was the adult because I knew how to control myself, how to be patient, and how to get through a very difficult situation without blowing my top. He sat in the chair for a 3 minute time out. And when he got up from the chair he he apologized, I cried, and I told him I hate it when we fight.
Hitting, yelling, hurting, screaming...these things damage the connection we have with one another. They sever the ability to trust, like a silk scarf falling on a sharp blade, leaving what was once whole, lying torn on the ground. They raise walls, barriers, and make it impossible to connect with the very one we love.
It was INCREDIBLY frustrating for me to keep putting him in the chair and to not yell and scream at my three year old and I was even late for work that day. But I won a great victory that day and it wan't over him. It was over myself. And what I realized was a lesson for a lifetime: Keeping my cool took WAY more strength than it ever took to spank him. I am stronger. Jared and I are stronger. My husband and I are stronger....because we have chosen not to use violence as a means of communication or discipline.
I understand that my son, even at 3, might have more rationality than people who hate America and getting him to sit in time out is far less complicated than getting someone to drop the bomb he or she was going to throw at us. But I can't condone violence on the national level and condemn it on a personal level, just because it's scarier at the national level. My fear should not come between I know, in my own gut, is against what God has created us to be. Violence is violence and I will always pray and in the little corner of my world, I will work towards another way.
I invite you to ponder and or comment: Where does YOUR strength lie? And where does this country's strength lie?
Shalom,
Pastor Annette
But then there is this other part of me that struggles with it because of knowing what repeated acts of violence do to us on both a personal and national level.
We humans are not made to kill or hurt one another. I know this because I experienced it in my gut when I served as an Army ROTC Cadet and every time I shot that M16 or waved that bayonette at someone, I felt less not more human. Oh sure, I felt powerful! But more loving? Um. No. Yet the Jesus I follow calls me to be more loving, even to those who annoy me or to those who hate me.
When one of us kills or hurts another through bullet, spear, bomb, missle, or with our own hands, it robs us of our humanity. We are not the same ever again and we can't go back. Yet... I understand the desire for military to keep our home turf protected. But as domestic (and international) violence has taught us, when one of us hits (or bombs) another, we are gaining a temporary power trip from the forced submission of another. In order to sustain that type of relationship, we all know the hitting (or bombing) must continue.
Instead of creating an environment in which honesty and trust prevail, violence raises defensivness, hostility, and fear. I see it all the time: in the eyes of those I meet, hurt by the fist of another. It is a downward spiral into the black hole of humanity. So rationalize it how you may, but humans are better than that. We have the ability to create spaces, places, homes, and workplaces in which honesty and trust prevail, but we don't want to take the time or energy to do it. Because it does take more time and energy. Violence is easy. Trust and cooperation are hard.
Think about it: Whether you hit first or are hitting back, do either of you feel better afterwards or are you both left with adrenaline pumping, and a need to hit again to show who is more fierce?
We went through a spanking stage with our son. My husband and I were at witts end with our 3 year old not listening, misbehaving, and refusing to sit in his "Time Out" chair. So finally, one day, I gave him a swat across his butt. But then he sat in the chair! It worked! My husband and I rejoiced! That's right...who is in charge now Mister 3 year old??? We are!!!!
So for a couple of months, when things got out of control, we would use "The Spank" to discipline him.
Then one day I picked him up from daycare and I was told that he hit another kid. We scolded him and told him not to hit. Huh? I wonder where he learned THAT from? Couldn't be at home, could it??
My son was only doing what he had been taught to do.
You see, hitting was the easy solution to my toddler's behavior. Hitting was a knee-jerk reaction that many parents fall into the trap of doing. But it doesn't solve your problem. What I needed to do was take the time and the energy to come up with alternative options to "The Spank." After realizing this, the very next day he threw a tempertantrum. It was a good one! So I flew across the room, putting him in his Time Out chair. He got out. I put him in it again. He got out again, running like a crazy man through the house. I put him in it again, fostering up EVERY ounce of will I had, trying not to react the way instinct was telling me to. He got up again. I put him in it again. For 45 minutes, he tried to convince me he was in charge by refusing to sit in the chair. But instead of showing him I was in charge through a swat on the butt, I showed him I was the adult because I knew how to control myself, how to be patient, and how to get through a very difficult situation without blowing my top. He sat in the chair for a 3 minute time out. And when he got up from the chair he he apologized, I cried, and I told him I hate it when we fight.
Hitting, yelling, hurting, screaming...these things damage the connection we have with one another. They sever the ability to trust, like a silk scarf falling on a sharp blade, leaving what was once whole, lying torn on the ground. They raise walls, barriers, and make it impossible to connect with the very one we love.
It was INCREDIBLY frustrating for me to keep putting him in the chair and to not yell and scream at my three year old and I was even late for work that day. But I won a great victory that day and it wan't over him. It was over myself. And what I realized was a lesson for a lifetime: Keeping my cool took WAY more strength than it ever took to spank him. I am stronger. Jared and I are stronger. My husband and I are stronger....because we have chosen not to use violence as a means of communication or discipline.
I understand that my son, even at 3, might have more rationality than people who hate America and getting him to sit in time out is far less complicated than getting someone to drop the bomb he or she was going to throw at us. But I can't condone violence on the national level and condemn it on a personal level, just because it's scarier at the national level. My fear should not come between I know, in my own gut, is against what God has created us to be. Violence is violence and I will always pray and in the little corner of my world, I will work towards another way.
I invite you to ponder and or comment: Where does YOUR strength lie? And where does this country's strength lie?
Shalom,
Pastor Annette
I hope our country strength doesn't lay solely in our ability to be physically power. I agree, Annette. One of the kids I asked for today, upon being told that we killed Osama Bin Ladin asked, are we happy about that? It's raises the question of what our actions instill in our children. The kids I work w/ especially have a history of witnessing violence and being abused, and on a daily basis act it out. What does it say to them if a country's gut reaction is to kill someone who is doing us wrong? Very well worded reaction, Annette.
ReplyDelete-Mark
Yes. YES. AMEN. I felt the same exact way with the M16, and I appreciate your way with words as always.
ReplyDeleteI kept getting disturbed when the anchors would say, "justice has been served." Justice is NOT the death of an icon, it is the reconciliation of peoples.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you point out, Annette, how violence, even in spanking, seems to be an easy way to "keep order", but it always leads to more violence. What a challenge this is to even imagine a nation where we protect ourselves with minimal violence. It makes me remember what a great contribution MLK, Jr, gave in life's ministry to our national identity. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they are very inspiring.
ReplyDelete..Violence..!!??..In the years preceding, and during, WWII, most of the Jews went silently, peacefully, and prayerfully to their deaths by the milions...lined up against trenches, and gunned down by the Nazis, while holding their children in their arms....then, later, in an effort to enhance the "efficiency" of exterminating an entire race of people, sent to Extermination camps, such as Dachau, to be gassed, and thrown into huge ovens...Efficiency...The causes were many, as to the reasons the Monster...Hitler, rose to power...Economics ...hyper-inflation, etc...was the main culprit that allowed this particular monster to rear it's head...World domination has been a violent theme through out Human History...our Current Nemesis, as it were, is not Islam, but is indeed RADICAL Islamicism...They desire to establish a world Caliphate, under Sharia law. The Muslim world population is close to 2 Billion people ( http://www.islamicpopulation.com/ )Hence, if only 5% is radicalized, that amounts to a stunning 100 Million people...those 100 million are sympathized with, or intimidate a huge additional segment of the population...then the numbers become really staggering...Just as the Nazi's grew to power, though their numbers were relatively small initially. This Enemy, however, is religious based, having perverted Islams beliefs...The only way to stop Hitler, and the only way to stop current Radicalism, unfortunately, is to have a Soldier looking down his M-16, or M-4 now-a-days, and pulling the trigger...this is not an "attack"...it is a "defense"...."The only thing it takes for Evil to Triumph, is for good men to do...nothing"..(forgive my in-accuracy of the quote nuances..?) The Soldier in the field gives the Pacifists, and rightly so :-), the ability to "BE"..just as the Defense Contractor, and it's employees whom enable the guidance systems for ICBM's, and smart bombs, and WMD's as well as the guidance systems on the Helicopters that BROUGHT the Seal team to it's destination to remove the head of the Snake...serves to protect us all.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there comes a time when "evil" must be destroyed. Even God took his hand to destroy the evil and let the good survive, This is previlant in the story of Noah, Sodom and Moses. I cannot imagine that a soldier enjoys killing even when its the choice of "me or you" but it is a matter of survival.
ReplyDeleteThe evil that Bin Laden produced upon the innocent is the same as Hitler's horrific acts. To destroy them is to assist in the destroying of the continuation of evil. I feel no shame in the smile on my face when I heard he was killed, it was more of a sense of relief.
And now a certain amount of "worry" and wonder, will splinter groups randomly attacK?