Practicing Courage in Order to Fly

A volunteer caught this private moment between my daughter and me, at a golf tournament for the organization I work for, The Faine House.  I'm thankful she caught this on camera because it tells a story about my relationship with my daughter.  

Leah asked to help at the tournament, and as it turned out, she was an awesome volunteer.  She sold raffle tickets, handed out promo items, and in applying full press charm, talked people into donating. She nimbly learned how to use the Square app on my phone to process donations - the same app an adult volunteer couldn't figure out.

She's nine.

And she was serious about helping.  

Her innate seriousness about helping others, being on time to everything, and consistently trying her best - whether she's attempting another pull-up she's not sure she can do, or completing difficult math homework - has earned her the somewhat facetious title, "Chief Operating Officer" of our family.

Leah is going into 4th grade.

And she is serious about applying herself.

As a parent, I walk a fine line between not wanting her to move too fast while also wanting her to wildly live into whatever calling comes her way.  

At the moment the picture was taken, I distinctly remember I was listening to her tell a story and thinking, "Oh man, she is just like me.  I used to do that and it bugged the crap out of people."  As I listened, reverberations of being called "bossy" echoed in my soul.  It hurt me when people called me that, but I was too young to have the self-awareness to even know when I was doing it, and guess what? So is she.  Like mom, Leah says and does things that she'll just have to learn the hard way from.

That doesn't mean I want her to stop.

In a mighty and courageous push to figure out who she is, she messes up.  

Within those very mistakes, however, her wings are learning how to fly.  

I have a little girl needing encouragement to be who she is built to be.  

She needs to discover just how far her wings and stamina will take her when a challenge sets in.

Under 5 feet and still short of a few adult teeth, she is still serious about leading.  

She talks a lot at school, corrects people - as she learns when and where this is appropriate, - tells people what to do, and overall, is pretty darn good at managing logistics.  Sometimes, I just step back and let her lead.  Yeah, I let her lead - and she does - like at the registration of the golf event.  As she leads, I'm by her side coaching, like I was in this picture.  I don't tell her to shut up (ever), or that she's "too much," and I have long talks with her over ice cream, dinner, on car rides, or before bed to address anything I think she'd appreciate becoming aware of - like any leader would.  I want her to speak up, lift others up, and take some risks.  

Any path to leadership is full of temptations to throw in the towel and quit using our spirit-given gifts.  And, unfortunately, still lurking in schools, workplaces, and board rooms across America, is discomfort when a woman leads, displays a strong emotion, or doesn't willingly smile and curtsy at her male counterparts.  This deep bias is not even conscious to many men (and yes, women too) making it difficult to name.  I know she has and will experience it.  My job as her mom is helping build a sturdy foundation of confidence, strong will, and experience - so with accrued wit and humble grace, she can handle herself and life's big decisions.  

Three days ago I pulled her aside after she hurt someone's feelings, got on one knee, asked her to look me in the eyeballs, and said the following:

"Hey, listen, you're a leader.  

You are built to lead.  

It is in your bones, girl...

You're often going to take risks; calculated ones, hopefully, but still, you'll take risks.  You will also step into new experiences without thinking twice and the new experience will be unlike anything you've ever managed before.  As a leader, you will be in conversations that make you nervous.  You'll even say things you regret because, at the moment, you won't be sure what else to say.  And because you are young and still figuring yourself out, you might even hurt someone along the way.  I have.  And it still hurts that I've hurt others.  You won't do it intentionally, but in taking risks and trying new things, it may happen.  Leah, you will bump up against parts of your personality that you may not like and those personality traits may be "seen" by others - because leaders, generally, are public people.  You'll bump up against other strong personalities that may leave you feeling bruised or not good enough.  Babe, you are going to make mistakes.  A whole lot of them...

BUT...

Just because a mistake is made, that does not mean you back down from who you are.  

Just because someone leaves you feeling bruised or disqualified, that doesn't mean you quit the job.

Just because the wrong words come out of your mouth, that doesn't mean you stop talking.  

Just because you answered the question wrong doesn't mean you stop raising your hand.

Keep leading.

Keep trying.

Practice courage.

You will find your center, your niche, your spot, and you'll excel.

You will build things, plan things, and execute like the leader you are."

Too all women and men reading this, all girls need to hear this, not just mine.

They need to hear it over and over again until they believe it and live by it.

When the two of us were done speaking, I hugged her for a minute.  

Later on, she apologized for what she had said - like any good leader would do.

Peace,

Annette